Sorry mom and dad.
I will tell you, this has been the hardest Summer of my life. I will also tell you, this has been one of the best. I can honestly tell you that I don't regret a single second of it. I wouldn't take it all back. I would make the same choices, again and again every time. Yesterday I read a quote that stuck with me, and it seems to fit perfectly:
"When you tug at a single thing in the universe, you find it's attached to everything else." ~John Muir
Western was a quick decision. In Fort Collins, I had both found and then lost my sense of....me. And I knew, around this time last year, that I needed to go. I believe that every place has a time for a person; sometimes it's short, sometimes it's long, but my time, for Fort Collins, was over. My enchantment had long since gone, and the need to be in the mountains, to let myself be free again, was constantly on my mind. My mom and I visited once, during Thanksgiving break, the town was empty and cold, but I bought a sweatshirt. She asked, "Why would you buy that? You haven't even been accepted yet." But my decision at that point had been made. January 1st I packed everything into two cars, almost forgetting room for Toby, and left. I left without an ironing board, a glue gun, posters, and not much else. There was nothing there for me anymore.
For the first 2 weeks I lived in Gunnison it was in the -30's until 2 o clock. I had no money, no idea of what to do, and no one was in town. Soon I was shown the valley, where to go, who to be. I wont go into the following few months, but I will tell you that it gave me two things...I was shown to be more careful. That your heart is not something that should be handed off so easily and to just anyone, but that when you find that person, and it's right, you should still give it everything you've got. And, Britney. On the second day living in Gunnison, I was invited me to go Crested Butte and watch a ski movie with some friends, it was Britney's house that I went to. Without Britney I would have been lost time and time again.
After everything, I needed a break from the valley and people's questions and helping hands. On my way home from Denver, just before the turn for Monarch pass, I had the chill run through my back, Toby began to panic running around the car, trying to get into my lap. I couldn't figure it out, I had been scared deep down into my bones and couldn't shake it, nothing had even happened. After a few deep breaths I was able to calm Toby down, but seconds after there was a sound at the back of my car as if a rock had been thrown against it like a baseball. I screamed and the chills continued, Toby was now under the dashboard whining. I came to a gas station and pulled in, got out of the car and collected myself under the light. It was 2:30 in the morning, I had class the next day, and I was only an hour away from home. "I can do this." I spoke aloud next to the gas pump reassuring myself. I got back on the road having convinced myself it was all in my head and within minutes almost hit a deer. Seconds later a second deer ran in front of my car, I swerved but hit her against the headlight and she bounced onto the hood. For what seemed like a minute she lay across the window, wide eyes glued to mine, before falling off the edge and under the wheel. I was fine, spooked was all, but my car was totaled. I had ignored my gut; something had told me to stop, sent chills down my spine again and again and I had chosen to ignore it. I don't believe in God, but I do believe in faith and having faith in yourself. Had I trusted my gut feeling, I would have stopped and spent the night in my car. I think that before that moment I had lost that faith.
"Bad things come in threes." is something most people say. Britney and I had now banned saying, "It can't get any worse." So on my 21st birthday I decided that I should pay attention to the patterns in my life, have some faith, and not have the traditional black out birthday. I asked everyone for one thing, that I could just have one day, to forget everything. I had the most amazing day. Breakfast in Crested Butte with Nikko, Jesse was here to celebrate with me, Nicole got off early from work and Britney came down to go to Powerstop. I had my day! At 12:10, I crashed my bike coming home and shattered my jaw. 47 stitches, 12 screws and 4 plates. I had my jaw wired shut for 6 weeks. But when those 6 weeks were over I had learned some pretty valuable lessons. One...that the hot dog is officially my favorite meal (only kinda kidding). Wear a headlamp! And that I can pick my self back up from anything. There were days that the pain medication had me asleep for the entire time the sun was up, times when I would hang up on my grandma because I couldn't handle having her ask what I'd said one more time, and times when I couldn't handle another smoothie, but it reminded me I was still that do anything kind of girl.
I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, where I can see the leaves falling in between me and the Butte from my bedroom window, where Summer or Winter is just as amazing, where you don't need a car, where their are plenty of people who deserve my heart, and where everyone's had their life in danger once or twice. Without the Summer that kicked my ass, I don't know if I would of seen all of that, and now that I have, I wouldn't give any of it up for anything. I live at the base of a mountain, surrounded by good friends and some of the happiest people I have ever met. We are all here for the same thing, to really live. But different things brought us here, different mistakes, beliefs, hurts and loves. Those are really the things that make this place unique. I know that this Winter, just like last, will be cold and at times pretty lonely, I also know it will be full of more firsts, more tugs at the universe and with any luck, more snow.
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